Dear Fred,
How do I approach my neighbor about keeping his
dog from doing its business in my dooryard?
David & Nancy S.
I guess that depends on what kind of business it is. Lemonade stand? Investment advice? Off-brand watches? I'm all for free enterprise, but I think you're within your rights to tell Bowser to conduct his commerce in his own yard.
Got a question for Fred? Click here to drop him a line.
Dear Fred,
With black fly season fast approaching, what is the best bug splat remover for the car's windshield (and hood/bumper)?
David & Nancy S.
For tough jobs like this, I recommend the coffee at the Blue Bell Diner. Stop by at the end of the day just before they pitch it out--it'll be pretty strong by then, and if you're lucky, Bud will just give it to you. Bring a sturdy tin can, dab it on the bug spots--or tar, or whatever--then wipe it off. Don't overdo it! That stuff will take the finish off if you ain't careful.
Got a question for Fred? Click here to drop him a line.
Dear Fred;
My hoyty-toyty insist that wearing flannel to a special occasion (or any occasion, for that matter) is a major fashion faux pas... I feel otherwise.
What's your take?
Rick from Newbury
Hoyty-toyty, for darn sure. Flannel is always in fashion. Next thing you know, he-she-it (not sure exactly what a hoyty-toyty is, since you're using it as a noun and not an adjective) will be saying suspenders are out of style. Be your own man, Rick. March to the beat of your own drum. Faux pas, shmaux pas.
Birth of a Notion
My friend Joe B. (I won't identify him further, in case he needs to deny it later) send in the following suggestion:
"Have you ever thought of opening up an online advice column? The world would greatly benefit from your sound Yankee wisdom."
Well, Joe, I hadn't. And it remains to be seen how the world would respond. But seeing as I don't have much else to do, I may just give it a whirl.
So, if you're desperate enough to ask me for advice, I'm willing to help. Click here to drop me a line with your dilemma, question, or vexing social conundrum. I'll pick and choose the best questions--if any--along with my responses.